Why We Worry: Understanding our Brain’s Attempt to Keep Us Safe
We’ve all experienced it, that uncomfortable knot in your stomach, racing thoughts, or that uneasy feeling in your chest when something is about to happen, and you’re not sure if your going to be okay or not. Will things be okay? Will I be able to handle it? Will the worst-case scenario come true?
At the heart of these questions is uncertainty, and our minds don’t particularly like uncertainty. It feels like a threat. When we're not sure what will happen, our brain goes into protective mode, often pulling us into cycles of worry in an attempt to regain a sense of control or safety.
How to Deal with Guilt when Setting Boundaries
Many women feel guilty when they set a boundary because it’s confusing to the psyche. Normally, when we do something wrong, we feel guilty about it. This is an appropriate and helpful when it comes to correcting behaviors that goes against our value and intentions.
However, many women report feeling “bad” when they are simply taking care of themselves, facing conflict, or setting healthy limits. (A lot of women I talk to have a much easier time setting boundaries for their kids or for others than they do for themselves.)
Why is that? I think it’s a combination of factors, in particular the social construct of self-sacrifice which is present for women at all times, even when we are unaware of it.